You can never run from yourself
Sometimes it feels like we just have to move places, to leave it all behind, to start all over again for our lives to completely change. And it’s true, certain plants will just never thrive, if they are not planted in the right soil or if they are not exposed to the right amount of sun, rain, wind… A healthy and fertile environment will definitely make it easier to foster inner health and fertility. However, it’s an illusion to think we can run from ourselves. The outside will always reflect the inside. We will always take ourself, our stories, our tasks, our issues and our patterns with us no matter where we go.
A pattern is a repeating concept, something that you live all over again, with different people, in different circumstances, in different places, but with the same underlying mechanism and dynamics – until you learned the lesson it is trying to teach you. Sometimes the pattern serves as a mirror to make you aware of an unconscious trait, other times it serves to reveal one of your core wounds. Once you have healed it, the pattern can stop. In any case, when you become aware of a pattern, it transforms and loses its power over you.
Personally, I became aware of a major relationship pattern in summer 2019, which allowed me to learn some important Life lessons. Shortly after that realization, I finally followed the inner urge I had been feeling for months to completely disconnect from the city and its toxicity, and to immerse myself into a truly healthy and fertile energy and environment. I wanted to give myself a break and the time to integrate all the insights and learnings from the past months. You can imagine my surprise when in spite of being in a different country, in the middle of nowhere, with nature all around and the nearest city at 10 km… I found myself face to face with the exact same dynamics playing out again! Just that this time I was very aware. I recognized the pattern immediately and I responded very differently to the situation. I asserted myself in my inner truth where before I would have neglected my needs and boundaries. I stayed with reality where before I would have dropped into idealization and projection.
I believe this was a test to see if I had really learned my lesson. By behaving differently this time, I showed Life that this unhealthy pattern no longer resonates with me. In doing so, I really hope I freed myself once and for all from its influence and prepared myself to attract something truly healthy next time.
Change the inside and the outside will adjust. Try to change the outside without the inside and the most fertile place might still turn out toxic. By becoming healthy and fertile on the inside, you prepare yourself for a healthy and fertile outside. This will then further support your inner health and fertility, a virtuous cycle.
